7.21.2006

I am ...

Dr. Freknur McGuillicutty.

Not too intimidating, huh? Well, if you cut of the McGuillicutty (which was inserted simply for formality) Dr. Freknur doesn't sound too bad.
Coming up with a Mad Scientist persona was much more difficult than I expected. I tried to gain guidance from "How to Be a Villain: Evil Laughs, Secret Lairs, Master Plans, and More!!!" By Neil Zawacki, but his suggestions were a trifle vague with less process than directive to them.

What does Freknur have to do with me? Freknur is the Norse word for freckles. I am one of the rare adults who happens to hold on to my freckles throughout the year. (At least that's what the online medical world tells me; that I'm rare.) I am also the grand kin of a sweet little Swedish man. He was as blond and fair as a Swede could be. Of course, my freknur become more pronounced after being in sunlight for a period of time. This makes me a sworn enemy of vampires every where because sunlight is an irreplaceable part of my evil plan. So, I already have a nemisis within the evil world. This will keep things interesting after I've successfully obliterated the rest of humanity.

On to the first step in the Mad Scientific Method. (Finally.)

According to the outline of the Scientific Method, my first step should be to "1. Stating the Question: What is it that you are trying to find out from your experiment? What is it that you are trying to achieve?"

Mad scientists don't work with suppositions so much as they create or state a pretense; often a selfish or misguided one. You would expect mad scientists to say things such as:
"Humanity will bow before me when I undoubtedly prove that the cure for athletes foot lies NOT in topical ointments, but rather in the vast removal of pedal skin that is then replaced with gold lame!"
or
"Trephination is the means to understanding the true nature of existence, my dears."
or
"Life and death appeared to me ideal bounds, which I should first break through, and pour a torrent of light into our dark world." (Mary Shelley; Frankenstein)
or
"The world needs more cowbell."

A mad scientist isn't so much looking to find an answer, as bring an answer to the world based on his or her beliefs/misconceptions. And while experiements are necessary to find a way to bring this answer to the world, there is less wonder for what the results might be and more expectation that the desired results will be acheived. Look out if they aren't. There isn't an immediate back-to-the-drawing board response. Someone else usually suffers for an unreached conclusion. After a rampage the mad scientist can usually move on to another process/corpse/toxic chemical if the previous one didn't bring the desired results.

It's less "what makes this happen?" and more "what do I have to do to make this happen?"

I'm sure you can already see that trouble's a'brewin' from that approach. It really leaves a vast number of avenues open to reach the goal; an anything goes mentality.

This seems dangerously close to the method your everyday, garden variety scientist might follow. The real clincher comes in with "What am I trying to acheive?" World domination? A cure for cancer? Frozen yogurt that is truly lower in fat than regular ice cream? (You may as well just eat the ice cream when you look at it.) An every day scientist might answer that question with; "I'm attempting to find out what effect gravity has on a pound of feathers versus a pound of bricks." A mad scientist might answer with; "Acheive? Who are you to ask me what it is I'm attempting to acheive? It's right here, in front of you. In front of all of us. Are you so blind you can't see what is so obviously before you? Here, sit in this suspiciously wired chair so I may better show you what I'm trying to 'acheive'."

Break it down one more time:
Scientist: True wonder for the process and desire to figure out how things work within the context of our universe.
Mad scientist: The context of our universe is horribly misguided and only my robot army will help this stinking mass of humanity to understand that.

I hope we're clear on this. Questions? Clear as murky lab equipment? Flaws in my reasoning? Help me hash this out. While not mad, my methods are certainly ripe for proving.

Step 2: Research Your Topic- Investigate what others have already learned about your question. Gather information that will help you perform your experiment.

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