Attachment

I could say that my cats are attached to me.

My husband says it's something to do with the size ratio. I am equivalently the size that the adult cat would be to a kitten, if the kitten were the size of a full grown cat.

Right now I'm watching the special "This Emotional Life" on PBS. (I missed a few nights, but am enjoying last night's and tonight's editions in the series.)

Attachment and how it is related to brain development in young children, I'll say birth to 5.

Tonight's special is focusing on things that I am thinking about every day now.

How do young families: mother and father, single parents, one child, multiple children; deal with creating attachments? How do they deal with children who can't form attachments? What role does trauma play? How can services help families? When is the best time to start?

Brain development is truly fascinating. I've often wondered what sort of neuro safety net was in play for me.

On a trip down to Nantucket my friend and I got into a discussion about the kind of "inner strength" that some people seem to get. Take 10 people, put them each through the same traumatic situation, and you will likely get 10 variations of survivor.

My friend attributes my "inner strength" to soul. She has been reading and studying "A Course in Miracles". She also recounted for me a time when she was young, on the swings in the park by herself, and she had a God moment. Suddenly it occurred to her that there was a power beyond her, and that awareness gave her a sense of security. She does not attend church on a regular basis, that I am aware of. But she believes that the soul is the strength.

It's not that I don't believe in powers beyond my comprehension, but I am a firm believer in the science of brain development. There were times when I didn't want to keep going, yet something kept me from giving up completely. And I would say that I have relentless optimism. The more I learn about the studies into brain development the more I think that, though my abuse was devastating, there was some delicate mix of timing and love that kept the true horrors of my abuse from breaking me completely. But it was because of that timing that my neuro safety net connected like it should. There was always enough time to recover between episodes or something.

So while there is an essence within me, without the correctly connected neurons the essence would have been damaged. It wasn't the essence that held the neurons in place.

For some quick views of the studies into young children, check out the Harvard Center on the Developing Child.

But I retained the ability to form attachments. I had to learn how to make healthy attachments, but it wasn't too difficult.

Now, if my cats would miss my lap is another question. Or would any old lap do.